Love At First Listen - Indigo de Souza 'You Can be Mean' and 'Younger and Dumber' +Concert vids

I have listened to this entire album on repeat. I am completely obsessed with the imagery of and the richness of the album cover, the two stranded hollow skeleton heads on top of the full figured bodies against this rich and vibrant desert background. The mangled engine of the bright red car that leaves one of skeletons huddled by the car either in despair or resignment and one reaching for signal trying to find rescue. Perhaps these two figures are indicative of the duel emotional states we see Indigo fluctuating in throughout this album, lamenting of the past pain and harm she felt and acknowledging that there is hope on the horizon and that the pain will end.

This album is lusciously moody, but the two songs that really stood out and resonated real hard this month were 'You Can Be Mean' and ' Younger and Dumber'. You Can Mean made me cry when I first heard it. I think she might've ripped out a part of my brain and just put it into lyrics when she wrote this. But it is her coming to terms with her previous abusive relationship and plainly stating the conditions of this relationship. In her speaking about this song, Indigo says : "I was stuck in some delusion that I could help abusive people through their trauma and teach them to love me in the way I deserved....This song is about the last guy that I ever let completely just shit on me. He just was the worst guy of all time, and he was literally a demon, and I knew that while I was with him, but I still had some idea that maybe he wouldn’t be a demon if I gave him love and affection and kind of tried to pull him out of whatever made him that way." I've talked about this extensively , the negotiations victims of abuse do with people they love, trying to receive more love and less abuse. Indigo in this quote and song nails it.

There are so many lines in here that are so raw and painful, I can't believe I let you touch my body.I can't believe I let you get inside. You know what you did. You know what you took from me. It makes me sick to think about that night . I have a night like this, so these lines hit hard. She laments about the same delusion that kept her trying to believe in someone who was never really changing, who at times would demonstrate a "good heart" but could never translate that into his actions : " I'd like to think you got a good heart

And your dad was just an asshole growing up. But I don't see you trying that hard to be better than he is". The song is short but dreadful, carrying through it this despair. It's almost declarative in the style of a revenge song, but she's telling her truth in a raw and clear way. It's filled this almost blasé weariness that no matter what she does, he would never treat her better. She's tired of the treatment and almost resigned to accept it as a norm : "You can be mean to me. I'm not gonna stop you. You can be a dick to me. It's what I'm used to."

And at the end she rounds the song with "When's it going to get any better?" repeated several times. A part of her asks the universe, because she knows that there's nothing really she can do to make this particular situation any better. There's nothing she can do to stop this person from treating her like she’s not human.

In Younger and Dumber, DeSouza is breaking my heart with a tender piano and guitar ballad mourning the loss of innocence through the abusive relationship, but coming to cherish the growth she's had since that experience: When I was younger, younger and dumber, built like a flower, You came to pick me from out of the city You turned me sour. She's used the pain she's experienced in order to be able to triumph both musically and professionally :You hurt me in the all the right places made me into somebody.

As the songs progress, her vocal style combined with the production transforms the song's tone, taking it from light reflection to almost heartfelt sob. You can hear a distinct difference and shift as she repeats these two "And the love I feel is so powerful it can takе you anywhere. And the love I feel is so very real it'll drag you down." These two lines carry the deep juxtaposition of true love's ability to push you beyond your wildest dreams, and simultaneously drag you to the depths of despair. It can drag you down when you lose it, but keep you blind to mistreatment and the rose-colored glasses you put on when trying to protect or gain it. And now having made this journey through love , she has no conception of where to go or what feels safe and feels like home. But she ends the song gently reminding herself that while she is in this state, it's not her fault : When I was younger, younger and dumber, I didn't know better, embracing that that was the state of her past self, but hopefully will not be her future.

Lucky to see these performed live. Here's a small clip of the concert footage.